Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize