That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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