I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
