I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
