I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
