Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just cut my nipple shaving
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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