So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She told me I should be a condom model.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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