I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just had sex bonerless
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
