i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
