You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
