He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
