Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
