well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize