finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
