he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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