I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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