I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
