I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Congratulations! We have a period
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