I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
