I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
