Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
