WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ladies don't puke and tell
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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