If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
