i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
