ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
