my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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