I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
