I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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