I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
