Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
