nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
