I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
