Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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