i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize