Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
