Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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