she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
