Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
