1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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