Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
