If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize