I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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