I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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