i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
