okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
