I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
