Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
