probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
