I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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