They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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