I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
