That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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