We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
