If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
