we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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