Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
