No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
