I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
