I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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