ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
