Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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