Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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