I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
