if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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