I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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