Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
