Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
