nut hugger
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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