It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
