You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
