i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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