I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
