Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
