I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
