i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
