she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
