we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
