I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
