I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize