We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
