I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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