his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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