Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
