The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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