Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
