Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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