I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
