So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize