I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
