you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
