Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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