ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
