Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
