our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
