She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
