I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
