Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
