Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
