Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
