I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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