Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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