you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
