You made me cry and you don't even care
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
