Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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