i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I came so hard my ears popped.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
