You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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