You smell like a Billy Joel song
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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