I heard we made out
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
