it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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