I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
