i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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