this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
