Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
one might say we're banned from that church
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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