I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
