I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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