Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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