I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
